The three most important goals in 2009 is to get healthy, reduce my debt, and increase my spiritual rituals. There are several small goals I will need to achieve to do this.

Get Healthy
To get healthy, I will need to . . .

1. Reduce sleeping late at night to only Friday and Saturday nights.
2. Eat only veggies, fruit, nuts, meat, and low-fat dairy products every day.
3. Reduce my sugar intake from several times a week to only twice a week.
4. Practice yoga three times a week.
5. Drink water or tea three times a day.

I actually did a pretty good job of sleeping when I was supposed to. Everything else sort of went to hell in a hand basket. I have gained quite a bit of weight since the beginning of the year. I think it’s because I may have a bun in the oven. I’ll have to check it out at Planned Parenthood. I don’t have health insurance yet because I could not afford it before because I was still paying the college loans. Now that I have the deferment, I can sign up in the future. There is a way to get the health insurance with our company, but I will need to send in some paperwork.

Reduce My Debt
To reduce my debt, I will need to . . .

1. Reduce my retail therapy from $200 a month to $100 a month.

Since I have already moved to a cheaper apartment, reduced my gas mileage, and reduced my takeout from four times a week to only twice per week, I decided to delete them and focus on the one I have not been able to kick the habit with.

Increase Spirituality
To increase my spiritual rituals, I will need to . . .

1. Read the bible twice a week
2. Pray

I already visited my grandparents graves in May so now I have two goals left with regard to spirituality. My husband is on board with me on these goals. We’ll see what happens next month!

It looks like my uncle, aunt, and cousin are coming down from Chicago to visit my mom and brother for the 4th of July weekend. As soon as mom emailed me the news I decided I would travel down to see everyone. Our family is small. I only have one uncle, one aunt, and one cousin. I have not seen my uncle and aunt since my grandparents passed away in 2004.

I remember how pissed off I was when I found out my grandmother gave her wedding ring to my uncle, and then my aunt took off the diamonds. That was only one of several reasons why I did not want to associate with my uncle and aunt. I also never really knew my cousin much. She did not grow up around me.

I have moved on though and gotten over the family conflicts. I am excited to see them and I cannot wait to see my cousin this weekend. After all, she is the only cousin I’ve got!

Since I graduated with my masters degree last year, I have struggled to find my place in the world. I feel like there is this huge transition that will happen in my life, but I struggle to understand or predict exactly what it will be. In that sense, I feel like I am struggling or battling the unknown.

Some people tell me I should just live and let live. In other words, they say I should just live life a day at a time. Living life a day at a time has always bored me. I am an animal that thrives in an environment of purpose. Usually I create my own purpose in life, but right now, I cannot. In turn, I am currently living a less purposeful life than I would like to live.

So I left the sorority interest group I was a part of. I did not feel like I fit in even though they welcomed me with open arms. There was another sorority I was more interested in a couple of months ago because they are a multicultural sorority. They recently created their graduate sorority group in my city. I was so excited last week, because I received an email from a sorority member. We scheduled a little girl-date for the following Monday.

I just got back from the get together, and this time, I really felt like everything clicked with her and I. She was interested in my life and wanted to spend quality time with me. I know this sounds a bit immature, but I have always secretly admired groups of women that supported one another through tough times. It is one of those vulnerabilities about myself that I do not share openly. My dilemma is that I have struggled to find a group where I fit in.

I have friends, but I do not have girlfriends that I can be vulnerable around. Most of my friends look up to me and use me for support in their lives. I usually cannot rely on others like they rely on me. They see me as the strong one who does not let adversity get the best of me. The truth of the matter is, is that every once in a while I am depressed. Sadness is normal for everyone, but my friends do not really see me as normal. They see me as a superhero. If I cry or feel hopeless in front of them they cannot handle it. What ends up happening is that I am their social worker and not their friend.

I feel like a relationship needs to be reciprocal. I should be able to listen to them and they should be able to listen to me. For some reason it does not seem to work out like that with the few girlfriends or boyfriends I have.

I have hope that this sorority is the right one, because their values around friendship are similar to mine. They believe relationships should be reciprocal and are committed to a multicultural lifestyle.

I remember the first few days of orientation at my social work college. Alumni said that our concentration choice would not matter, because we would likely end up working a job totally different from what we would expect. Three years ago, I told myself I would not pursue a job in gerontology or in the medical field. After all, I thought I was all high and mighty with my passion for political social work. I figured that gerontological or medical social work was for clinical social workers, but I was wrong. I never thought I would be working at a nursing home, but I am.

It is hard to believe, but I have managed to survive my job for eight months. I suppose for most people it does not seem like a long time, but this nursing home is an extremely challenging environment. Every day I am pulled left and right. We have over 200 residents at our nursing home, and they have a lot of special needs. It is unfortunate that they are in an institutionalized setting, but with as expensive as the health industry is, getting 24-7 skilled nursing care at home is too expensive. For most of our residents, home health just does not cut it, because they’re needs are too great to stay at home.

Occasionally, our residents discharge back home, but more often than not, they stay at the facility. Before I got hired, I had the opportunity to work at a hospital and a rehabilitative center. I chose not to work at either one, because I would have been focusing most of my time discharging residents. I felt that if I worked at a nursing home, I would have a better opportunity to build rapport with residents and create stronger connections.

I am getting snug as a bug in a rug with my job. I have found my flow, and it feels really good. I have learned a lot, but I still have so much more to go. In order to be a good nursing home social worker, I think one has to learn the basics of all the other jobs at the facility. I suppose that is why it takes so long to learn how to do be a great nursing home social worker.

There is so much I could write about, but for now, I will go ahead and rest easy. I am awaiting to watch a new television show on TNT called “HawthoRNe”. The show’s star is Jada Pinkett Smith, and well, I just adore her. She is an amazing feminist and actress. I saw a trailer on Facebook of her, and she led a resident into another area and said, “incoming”, and I thought, “Just like the nursing home”, and then I chuckled. One has to work at a nursing home to get what a nursing home is really like.

The three most important goals in 2009 is to get healthy, reduce my debt, and increase my spiritual rituals. There are several small goals I will need to achieve to do this.

Get Healthy
To get healthy, I will need to . . .

1. Reduce sleeping late at night to only Friday and Saturday nights.
2. Eat only veggies, fruit, nuts, meat, and low-fat dairy products every day.
3. Reduce my sugar intake from several times a week to only twice a week.
4. Practice yoga three times a week.
5. Drink water or tea three times a day.

May was 1/2 productive and 1/2 unproductive. I exercised about half the time. On the other hand, I gained tons of weight and am currently doing well in the month of June to take it off. In May I slacked like in April. Oh boy!

Reduce My Debt
To reduce my debt, I will need to . . .

1. Eat takeout from four times a week to only twice a week.
2. Reduce my retail therapy from $200 a month to $100 a month.
3. Live in an apartment that is priced 1/4 of my total salary.
4. Reduce gas mileage by moving to an apartment that is located downtown.
5. Consolidate my loans and pay them on-time.

I tell you what . . . even though I did not consolidate my loans, I did something even BETTER . . . I got a DEFERMENT!

Increase Spirituality
To increase my spiritual rituals, I will need to . . .

1. Read the bible twice a week
2. Pray
3. Visit my grandmother and grandfather’s graves once a year

I visited my grandparents graves the first weekend of May, and it was a good one.

A colleague of mine told me that if I wanted to, I could get a deferment on my college loan. I could not believe my ears. A couple of days later I applied, and within five days, I was approved! What does this mean? This means that I will not have to pay my student loans for a year. All I have to do is pay the interest on the loan. No more paying more than 20% of my earning on my college loan! I can reapply every year for up to three years. This will give me plenty of time to save up for a down payment on a house since my husband graduates this fall. He will graduate with a degree in computer engineering.

All of the poverty that my husband and I have suffered through, living paycheck to paycheck, will finally be over. We have been married since 2001, and let me tell you, it has been no walk in the park. The only thing that gets us by is the love we have for one another . . . as cheesy as that is. I remember when we moved into our first apartment, and we did not have any electricity or a bed. We used a couple of blankets and a battery powered lantern that one would normally use to go camping.

I remember the first time we slept the night together. It was in a purple tent in my mother’s back yard. She owns an acre of land and the landscape is similar to a forest with lots of Australian pine trees. We have slowly “moved on up”, but never had the opportunity to not like paycheck to paycheck like we have. For once, we can finally pay all of the bills and have plenty of cash left over. It is insane and almost incomprehensible.

When I told my D&D friends this past weekend that I decided that I wanted to get my PhD in Women’s Studies, they said, “Duh! We already knew that.” It always seems like my friends know more about me than I do. See, that’s why I need to see a psychologist! I swear, once I get health insurance I am going to a psychologist for sure.

I would prefer to move to California within the next two years to be accepted into a doctoral program. Of course, there are some goals I will need to achieve before I get accepted into a doctoral program. For one, I will need to retake my GRE. I need to score at least a 600 to be competitive. I will also need to practice my Spanish so that I am able to write fluently. This has actually been one of my goals since graduate school a year ago – I just never had the full motivation to do it until now.

I am not there yet, but I am really proud of myself for figuring out what to do next with my life. I have been struggling with this since I got my job as a social worker in the health care industry. The truth is, is that I have entirely too much fun being an academic and feminist activist. I do not know why I did not figure it out sooner. It took several conversations with my husband and my own mind while walking 3 miles down Memorial Park to figure it all out. I am just glad my heart thinks quickly! Does that make sense?

After the state surveyors finished their assessment of the nursing home, I slowly but surely got caught up with my work. Last Thursday, I asked myself, “I am almost caught up with my work. What do I do with this extra time on my hands?” Finally, I have caught up with my work.

When I first got to the nursing home, it was all about catching up and putting out fires. Right now, and I pray to God it will stay this way for a while, I am able to focus on more learning, prevention, and development. It all started with finding a system that worked for me. A colleague of mine who has been in the nursing home system for a while told me on the phone, “It’s all about finding what works for you.” What she said could not have been more true.

After I cleaned my office, I slowly reduced my workload over the course of a month. The effort has finally paid off.

Last week, the hubby turned on the television after he got home from work. What he saw was unbelievable . . . free cable! Since the move, we decided not to have cable to save up some money. I cannot believe just how much we have missed cable.

Watching cable has brought my husband and I together. Usually, the only thing we like to do together is play Magic the Gathering, but now, we can watch movies and television shows. When I was a child, I had no problem watching regular television sitcoms, but now, it is different. It is almost as if free television sitcoms are foreign to me. I do not find the emotional connection to them like I did when I was a kid.

During Memorial Weekend, we watched Star Wars, episodes of Scrubs, Constantine, and the Highlander. The Highlander was so nostalgic.